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Australia Day 2012: Racist bogans hit the beaches, anyone who isn’t white

A traditional Australia Day celebration.

As the nation celebrates Australia Day by doing everything from watching a sport created by the English to barbecuing meat (a practice that has been around since long before Australia was even a country), many bogans are using the day to lie on Australian flags on the beach and assault anyone they view as “un-Australian”.

“Look at this place, it‘s not even Australia anymore”, one gentleman told news crews on Bondi Beach this morning, his shirtless chest bearing a southern cross tattoo. “It‘s full of people who were born in Australia but aren‘t white and, therefore, aren‘t Australian”.

In response to the rampant nationalism and beatings propagated by these racist-types, many have pointed out that the Aboriginal Australians aren’t white yet were

in Australia long before any white people were. Any such comments have been slammed as “un-Australian” and the people who made them gang-beaten by the hordes of hot-headed flag-wearers.

On the other side of the political spectrum, many people believe that the date Australia Day is celebrated on should be changed to commemorate the day that Australia became a commonwealth rather than the current date which commemorates the foundation of the Colony of New South Wales. The most outspoken supporters of a change of date are the members of the Aboriginal community, to whom Australia Day is known as “Invasion Day”.

“Aside from obvious problems with the current date (the death of our ancestors at the hands of the invading British), the date doesn‘t even make any sense”, one Aboriginal Elder stated at an Invasion Day rally in Canberra today. “Why celebrate our nation on the day that a separate colony was established in one state rather than the date that the colonies all came together to form the nation that Australia is today?”

Any efforts to change the date of Australia Day have been voted as being “un-Australian” by the public.